The Great Crashby
basically the great gashby but cwac appropriate source material Inspired by Reedman211, Gashon Cansaker, DylanTBest123, -Price-, and the thousands of loyal fans. Written by -Price-, DylanTBest123, and Reedman211 Based on a piece of fiction Chapter 1 - "Same Thing I Do Every Day." My name is Crash. Crash Boltflyer. My dad gave it to me when I was born. I don't know why he chose "Crash", but it's what I'm stuck with. Ever since I was a kid, people called me names, like Crashkon, or Crashcan, or Crashbomb. But today, today was the day that all changed. Forever. Today was the day I showed them I was The Great Crash- I still remember the day like it was yesterday. My alarm clock went off, ruining my dreams, the only place where I could take solitude. I sighed, knowing it was time for everything to begin again, only I had no idea just what this day would really begin. It started out pretty normally. I rolled off my bed, and walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. About halfway in, I droopped my toothbrush in the toilet which I had apparently not remembered to flush the last time I used it. I will not divulge how I finished brushing my teeth. When I was done, I got dressed and walked outside. I lived in a Corellian suburb in a city known as Brotherburg. In hindsight, none of the names in that city were really any good. I was walking outside to my hoverspeeder when my best friend Kaharc Phaselancer rolled over to me on a bike, smiling like an idiot. He was an idiot. "HEY CRASH!" he yelled. I sighed and replied, "Hello Kaharc." "WHAT YA DOIN?" "The same thing I do every day. Suffering." "Ha! That's funny!" Behind my white fence was my next door neighbor, Alexandria Novik. She was watering her garden as she asked, "What are you nerds doing today?", rolling her eyes. "Nothing! How about you?" Kaharc replied. In my ear, though definitely loud enough for her to hear, Kaharc said "She's sooooo hot." I facepalmed, knowing the situation would only get stupider if I stayed. I said "Goodbye,", then I climed in my holospeeder and raced off to work. Chapter 2 - " I'm Going To Destroy You And Everyone You Love." I pulled into the diner I worked at. It was definitely a slow day today, and everyone who did show up didn't seem entirely pleased with their services. I saw my girlfriend Ski'rta arguing with a fat, elderly man (think late 50's to early 60's) whose name I later learned was Scarth. "Um, Ma'am, I'm pretty sure I ordered a hamburger." "Yeah, and I'm pretty sure you got one." "Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I wanted him cooking it." Scarth pointed to the new 15 year old cook. No one really knew anything about him, but it seemed like he was always up to something fishy. Anyway, he looked at the kid and he winked in what was, at the time, the most perverted thing I had ever seen in my life. The cook began to take off his uniform. You could practically see Scarth's mouth watering. However, he had clothes under it, and he proclaimed "THATS IT. I'M DONE. THIS CREEP COMES IN HERE EVERY WEDENSDAY AND PULLS THIS." before promptly running away. I was too distracted to pay attention, but I think Scarth ran after him. Ski'rta yelled something at me around the lines of "CRASH GET OVER HERE AND START FRYING THIS COW FERTILIZER PEOPLE ARE GETTING HUNGRY" but I wasn't listening anymore. For just a second I imagined the perfect moment. In my car, outside her trailer, under the full moon, leaning in to touch my lips to Ski'- "CRASH." "Oh, uh, coming!" The rest of the day went pretty normally. We cooked mediocre food, people ate it. Daily life. As the clock ticked to 4:58, Ski'rta and I got ready to close for the day. In fact, the I remember saying "Well, closing time. See ya guys." and almost walking out the door before it happened. A disembodied voice yelled "HOLD ON A MINUTE!" Everyone looked towards the source. "Sorry, loser, we're clo-....Blastxrik?" asked Ski'rta. This, this man. He was Blastxrik Shadom. Me and him have been enemies since the beginning of time. Trust me, I tried getting along with him. That didn't end well. Blasxrik walked into the room flanked by two of his lackeys: Mannequin Zenobomber and Liger McGlasson. "Why, hello, Ski'rta," Blastxrik said, winking. "Why, I...I.." "Missed me?" Mockingly, Mannequin shouted "I BET CRASH DID!". Liger began chuckling, until Axrik spoke. "Lay off him. He's already aware of his stupidity." Both Liger and Mannequin began laughing hysterically. Chapter 3 - "WHY DID YOU PULL OVER?" Chapter 4 - "Door Goes Both Ways." Chapter 5 - "Weasel." Chapter 6 - "What Kind Of Insult Is Gentle Giant?" Chapter 7 - "I TOLD YOU TO LURE HIM HERE." Chapter 8 - "Okay, Get Me Some Nuggets." Chapter 9 - "GET MCRIBBS SLAPPED"